Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Because men can't pee sitting down

Toilet isolated

Men can go to the toilet sitting down. What they can’t actually do is go properly standing up.

The seat up / seat down thing has been going on between men and women for years. As is the case with most of these artificial distinctions between men and women, men have claimed that standing up to pee is superior to sitting down because.... well.... because that is what they do.

In fact, if the reason for using a toilet is so that we keep hygiene standards high, standing up is dramatically inferior to sitting down. Pee ends up – inevitably we are told – on the toilet seat, on the floor around the toilet and in suspicious places on the clothing. This never happens to the people sitting down.

You’d think with a hose, they’d have better control – not worse.

However, this is another of those illogical ways that men recognise themselves as men. By doing something that both sexes can do (yes, women can do it too – they just don’t like the spillage) but that they pretend only they can do, we all get to focus on difference. In other words, men think peeing upright at the bowl stops them from being women. And because they have to create artificial difference, they are right.

In romance novels, if men insist on going standing up, they care about not leaving the drips everywhere. They understand that anyone, male or female, coming in behind them doesn’t want to walk through their urine, so they are careful to keep it in the bowl. This simple effort makes the men seem like mirages of masculinity to women.

4 comments:

  1. Yes, most men pee standing up and it has become a major issue because women do not like sitting in and cleaning up the mess around the toilet. I have found that most of the mess is not poor aim as much as it is due to scatter or splatter.

    Now scatter is an issue of the little labia at the end of a man's penis may get stuck together if there is dried semen around the opening or between the lips. This will cause urine to spray out in undetermined directions which before he can correct the flow may result in a little running down the side of the toilet or a bit of a dripping mess on the wall nest to the toilet. The flow is easily corrected though by giving a soft pinch to the end of the penis in order to pop open the labia for a consolidated stream to flow directly to the target.

    Now splatter is another issue. When the tight flow of male urine hits the water in the bowl or the ceramic inside of the bowl urine rebounds and splatters. Sadly some makes its way out side the bowl to join with what is already running down the side of the outside of the toilet or down the wall. With in a few hours it begins to emit the smell of ammonia.

    In my own life I have been very interested in situations which bring up my sense of inadequacy and invalidity. So while I was in my third marriage to a very challenging woman and her two daughters I decided to try sitting and peeing to see what it felt like and to discover parts of myself which I thought I need to feel. It was good for that and that is when I realized how much cleaner it is.

    At home I always pee out side. I live alone in the country. It is refreshing to just go out side and piss with out concern where it goes is relaxing and an enjoyable release of urinary tension.

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  2. I am a man, I pee sitting down.

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  3. I third that. I am a man who pees sitting down. So, my girlfriend and I never have this seat up/down problem. However, I've always wondered: why do men have to put the seat down for women? Women never put it up for men. Bathroom respect is a two way street. Usually, even if I pee standing up (which I do SOMETIMES, but rarely), I put both seats down, so that whoever is going in next, whether they have to sit or to stand or to squat, they can put the seat in their own damn position.

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