Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Because if you don't know why she's mad, she's not going to tell you

The image of quarrel of a married couple on kitchen

Of all the most irritating, annoying things that women say or do, this has got to be close to the top of the list.

It usually goes like this:

Woman is sitting on the couch, arms folded, NOT laughing at the funny show you both usually enjoy together.

Man: “Is there something wrong?”

Woman: “Something wrong? Something WRONG? Now WHY would there be anything wrong?”

Man: “you seem upset.”

Woman: “gee, really? What would I have to be upset about?”

Man: “I don’t know. What’s wrong with you?”

Woman: Deep Sigh “Well if you don’t know, I m not going to tell you.”

Usually the reason the woman doesn’t want to tell the man that she is upset is because what she is upset about is deeply humiliating for her. It will be the way he flirted with the waitress at dinner, or how rude he was to her mother on the weekend, or that he walked in, blew out the candles, wolfed down the romantic meal she made just after he turned on the TV.

The upthrust here is, if you don’t know how to articulate your concern with power (and many women don’t) then go out with the girls.  There is no other solution. The petulance of arm crossing and monosybalic conversing will get a woman nowhere. If the man does know what he did wrong (and he usually does) he will pretend he doesn’t or tell you your imaging it, and if he really doesn’t know what he did wrong, he’ll never guess it in a million years.

In romance novels the women give voice to their problems and the men listen. However, in romance novels, women are usually so busy that their ‘problems’ have nothing to do with the way he treats her mother or the girly he looked sideways at. He’s too busy for those sorts of petty behaviours and so is she. There is often a disconnect in communication but usually it is simply to create tension as they rocket toward their inevitable love affair.



  1. Thanks for posting, I'll definitely be subscribing to your blog.

  2. Well... any idea how to solve it? it seems like i never know what im doing wrong...

  3. [...] Because if you don’t know why she’s mad, she’s not going to tell you. [...]