Friday, June 19, 2009

Because men say they are things that they are not

high potentiality

One of the essential components of being male is an ability to suspend reality.

Women have to engage with reality – they have babies. It has such a profound impact on your physical being (even before you ever have a baby – just the ability means you have to take pills, live in fear of pregnancy, face the reality of abortion  etc) that you can’t afford the luxury of romantic, emotional idealism.

However, men can indulge in this – and do.

Men’s fundamental needs (to eat, drink be loved and raise their own children) are so domestic, so basic, so raw, that they can’t cope with the reality of them. They imagine they can’t trust women to provide them with this desperate longing, this overwhelming need that engulfs them, so they create a mythology completely at odds with who they really are, in order to cope with the trauma of their own actuality.

This mythology, is almost the absolute opposite of who they really are and what they desperately want.

They will say that they don’t care about love; that it is a thing women need not men. They will brand it as entirely female, implying that it is not ‘Mucho’ to need anyone else as much as they need women. They will claim that to procreate is more important than to engage with the life of the human you’ve forged, even though they die of humiliation if they find they’re raising another man’s child.

Men will go to great lengths to try to prove that everything they feel is not really happening and a callous, self indulgent facade is the ‘reality’ of the situation.
In romance novels men are not threatened by alternate forms of masculinity. Neither are they out of tune with their own inner desires. They build tight strong complex bonds with their females, taking on the creative challenge of relationship rather than shying away, and cowardly seeping into a faux adolescence to self protect.



  1. Men in romance novels do not shy away from the complex intricacies of a developing relationship?
    I've never read a romance novel, but now I am beginning to understand why women love them so!
    I think your post is quite true. In general, we like goals, we like the chase, the hunt. Life is more like a series of sprints and we are good at that, but we are not so able to run marathons. Which is why we are at our best during courtship, but tend to lag in a long relationship. Why we prefer to procreate than nurture.
    I like your blog, helps to understand why we sometimes get the 'if-you-have-to-ask-you-don't-need-to-know cold treatment.

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