Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Because women cling to their children long after they should to legitimise their existance

empty nestIf it’s not one thing, it’s your mother

Women don’t know when to let go.

This is generally the women who have stayed home and placed the unnatural burden on their children, of demanding they legitimise their existence; although working mums have been known to indulge in this ailment too.

If you choose to stay at home to look after your children, part of that obligation is making sure you take care of yourself enough so that you are properly there for them – not just using them as an excuse for not having to take responsibility for the big things in your life.

However, large amounts of stay at home mothers (and some going to work mothers) do not do this. They stay at home and look after their children, then ‘expect’ a great deal for that ‘sacrifice’.

They expect to be allowed to have a say in who their children  date or marry (especially if that partner is causing the adult child to spend less time at home) they expect to be remembered, they expect to come before the partner, and in the case of male children, they expect seniority in his heart and mind over the newer lesser female.

If a woman ‘devotes’ herself to her children, they need to look out, because not only will she expect reward, but she will expect to be allowed to be ‘devoted’ to her children for the rest of her life, because after all, a woman’s work is never done.

This is one that men don’t share because men know that they are not the same person and their children, and they know very well, the dangers of being mollycoddled. They know how they achieved autonomy and they want that gift for their children. It is the mother that never achieved her own actualisation that can’t understand her children’s need to have that.

In romance novels women never confuse motherhood with personhood. If women ‘work at home’ with their children, they treat it like a job, and they detach and do the best they can, encouraging their budding adults to be self reliant, self sufficient and self aware. These women love their children, but they are also looking forward to the time they can be alone in the nest with their lover again, the difficult task of childrearing over.



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