Thursday, June 18, 2009

Because women need conditions to be perfect before they will engage in sex

wine and roses

Abstinence makes the heart go wander

The longer time a couple spend together, the more the woman is focussing on the petty irritations that distract her during the sex act.

Primarily this is because women are addicted to conquest and compliment. There is very little compliment in the man you live with (and have been living with for a while) wanting to bed you, and there is certainly no conquest. Women want to feel as though they are the most special person in the world to you – which is a trap; because no matter how hard you try at some point it is going to appear that someone else is more important, just for a moment. That is when she will start to lose faith and that huge crashing sound you hear, is you falling off the pedestal.

The work you will have to do, to get back up there is so demanding there should be an Olympic sport named after it. You have to apologise for whatever it was you did, you have to sweet talk and tell her over and over that she is the only one and that she is the most special or important person in your life; you have to rub her aching shoulders; you have to compliment her underwear; you have to whisper in her ear; you have to remove her clothing seductively as well as your own; you have to kiss her all over and then ... maybe... if the conditions are absolutely perfect.....

When you get to the stage when you’ve been doing it for a while, it gets even worse than this. Suddenly every petty irritation is in the way of your good time. Her knees didn’t used to ache in that position and she used to love the taste. You start to wonder, was she lying then, or is she lying now.

No one knows.

In romance novels, the conditions are always perfect for sex. the man usually looks like he just got back from four hours at the gym, and he reacts to her as if she were a goddess – even on her ‘fat’ days. A woman doesn’t have to compromise on those special moments; the men get turned on by hour long back rubs. In fact they get so turned on, they want those backrubs to last, and last and last....

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  1. [...] Because women need conditions to be perfect before they will engage in sex. [...]

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