Friday, July 03, 2009

Because men attack their women socially

Young man and woman with a disagreement

Men will often blame women for responding to abuse that the very same men have inflicted upon them. This is a means of control of course, but these days, when women (in our culture) are given more opportunity, it is less and less a measure of deliberate control as it is an unconscious habitual behaviour.

It will go something like this:

A man out with this wife / girlfriend will check out other women and/ or flirt with another woman when they are out together. This is an attack on the woman’s status as the man’s partner. Because it is important that women are seen to retain ‘their’ man socially, it is an attack on your partner to show an outward interest in other women, and it gives them a measure of power over your girlfriend. (Note – if a taken man flirts with a woman in front of his partner, the power goes to the woman he flirts with, not the woman he goes home with – every woman knows this, from the partner through to the woman you are flirting with.)

The equivalent for this social attack is if you were out with friends and your girlfriend told everyone at the table she thinks you may be gay because you can’t make love to her properly. The insult is that deep, that rude, and that clear to everyone else around you.

Then, when your partner complains that you are hitting on other women in front of her, he either tells her it isn’t happening or he tells her it means nothing and she is petty and nasty.

Then, the woman will buy a new dress, or do something to try to make herself more attractive to her partner. When she parades it in front of him, he will say, “I don’t know anything about clothes, it looks ok to me.” Or he will pause and then say “Is that what you’re wearing?”

Anything other than, “You look gorgeous.”

Then, in despair when she says “Do you still find me attractive?” he will throw his hands up in the air and say “I’m with you aren’t I?”

In romance novels men have no need to reduce women to childlike behaviours and they have no desire to socially attack their partners. In every novel, without exception, his eyes are only for her – he knows how to make a choice in his life and stick by it. His partner never needs to be embarrassed or humiliated by her man because a hero in a romance novel would never think of doing any of the above to their partner.

Note: The man who is outwardly committed, deeply and perfectly so, to his partner, is ALAWYS deeply attractive to all women, and is usually heavily pursued by them. There is nothing sexier to a woman that a man who is 100% devoted to his partner, and can resist temptation.

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