Sunday, August 16, 2009

Because men need to 'adjust' in public all the time

man in white underwear

“A person who learns to juggle six balls will be more skilled than the person who never tries to juggle more than three.” Marilyn vos Savant

Okay, so here is one we women really really don’t understand. The need men have to adjust, tug and generally just play with their balls in public.

Here is a newsflash for the men.  Our bra straps don’t always sit right.  When they get a twist in them they can be very painful.  Our underwear sometimes creeps into the wrong places (and we have a lot more ‘wrong’ places than you) and we get ‘unmentionable’ itches that we take care of with creams and other tricks of the trade.  What you never EVER see us doing, is making any or all of the necessary adjustments to our comfort, in public.

The problem here is one of perception.

Because men are so deeply in love with their genitals, they assume women (who don’t even have their own set) are even more in love. It was a man after all who invented penis envy (the idea that the humans on the planet without dicks are so horrified and distressed that they don’t have them that they form entire neuroses because of the lack – forgetting of course that you can’t miss what you never had.) and it is men who really suffer from it.  It is simply inconceivable to a man that a woman wouldn’t be sitting there thinking about his penis and his balls.

Women do think about male genitalia, but never in the way men assume they would.

When a man adjusted his balls in front of a woman, she thinks he has an ‘itch’ and it is a huge warning to stay away .  So here is something to learn gentlemen.  Your fiddling is not having the desired effect.  It doesn’t inspire lust or envy at all.  It inspires revulsion.  Because women will endure extreme discomfort before they adjust themselves in public, they assume you are desperately itchy if you keep playing about down there.  That assumption takes a nanosecond to turn into a warning that the guy must have a scorching case of herpes, crabs or just plain old jock itch.

In romance novels women never have to endure men adjusting themselves in front of them. Women tend to write these novels, so they simply prefer to live in a world where they never have to wonder if their guy (or some other guy) has little animals crawling over his balls.

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5 comments:

  1. This was a really great read, I am very glad I came across your site.

    ReplyDelete
  2. [...] does not necessarily mean she wants to have sex with you. The look is not even in the same ball park. In fact, the best thing about the look is that if some other guy starts sitting with her, buying [...]

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  3. maladjusted male genitalia stimulate the same nerve centers in the brain that cause claustrophia. That is why delaying an adjustment can cause anxiety or physical stress.

    ReplyDelete
  4. intellijgentwomenreadromance.com, how do you do it?

    ReplyDelete