Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Because strange things threaten masculinity



My son (age eight) came home from school one day filled with news about the forthcoming school dance. He had talked to some girls and organised his partners ahead of time to avoid some discomfort when it came to walking across the room and asking a girl outright.  I thought this was a clever way of dealing with a potentially socially awkward situation, so I asked if his friends were doing the same thing.

His answer? “Oh, they think dancing with a girl is gay.”

This is one of the early signs of the heterosexual males confusion about what “gay” is and what makes you look “gay”.

For me, there is nothing as “gay” as getting together with your mates and watching porn. A bunch of men choosing to deliberately get aroused in each other’s company is definitely homoerotic.

Or what about going out together, drinking and then going to watch women (untouchable on a stage) take their clothes off while you hang with your mates? Definitely suspect.

Of course none of this comes close to the almost total "gay-ness" of  men sharing a woman sexually.

As far as I’m concerned any “straight” man engaging in any of the above may as well be wearing a dress.

But men don’t see these behaviours as connecting them sexually with other men. They think the opposite. That going out with your mates and encouraging each other’s erection is an affirmation of heterosexuality and masculinity! Go figure!

So what actions DO men want to avoid in case someone thinks they might be homosexual?

Consider the following...

  1. Riding in a sports car with another man with the top down

  2. Taking the kids out in public

  3. Buying tampons or pads

  4. Standing in underwear shops (male or female)

  5. Holding their partners handbag while she pauses to use two hands.

  6. Meeting gay men

  7. Growing a handlebar moustache

  8. Riding a bike normally without doing stunts, speeding or standing up

  9. Posing for photographs

  10. Wearing pink shirts


In romance novels men don’t think sitting with a woman and her friends in a cafe is “gay”. In romance novels the sexy masculine heroes don’t even think having sex with another man pigeonholes them as “gay”. Sexual stereotypes are debunked left right and centre and different ways of exploring sexuality are celebrated. And that’s another reason why intelligent women love them so much.



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