Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Because women make small gestures mean too much

Picture this scenario

A couple have been dating for a few months. It’s Christmas, and she is over at his house, and they are wrapping presents together. Wrapping presents together means two things. To her it means he wants her around and likes to share the little things with her. To him it means he’s gotten out of having to wrap the presents, and he’ll get laid. (No wonder that smile is so wide)

However, after the first present – the one to his grandparents – she dramatically and suggestively hands him the gift tag and asks him to write on it. After all they are his grandparents.

Of course, thinking about getting laid, he scrawls across the card:

“Dear Nan and Pop – Happy Christmas – Joe”

Grinning he hands back the card so she can attach the prepared sticky tape that is now suspended in air, dangling off the end of her finger as she stands frozen staring white faced at the card he just wrote out.

He knows something is wrong, but he can’t work out what. Did he just say something about her tits out loud? He wasn’t really thinking, because the TV had last night’s game scores. What did he do? What did he say?

She is feeling sick to her stomach. He left her name off the card.

To a woman whose been dating a man for a couple of months that is the equivalent of saying:

“I only want to have sex with you; I am secretly hoping my grandparents never find out about you / meet you.”

The same rule applies if you’ve been dating for a few months and the man has to leave his apartment and doesn’t want to move straight in with his new girlfriend, or if he doesn’t invite her to any family event.

The latter is true even if you just met in a nightclub. Even if you haven’t kissed her yet, if you’ve thought about it and she can tell, you’d better introduce her to your brother / sister / best friend when they walk up to grab the keys to the car off you.

IN romance novels every single gesture hold intense significance. Men are focussed, concentrating constantly on how to best please their mate. There are no accidents (toward the end of the novel when the happily ever after is within reach) and everyone speaks “romance drama”.


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