Sunday, January 31, 2010

Because men move in with women for the wrong reasons

Were you to cross the world, my dear,

To work or love or fight,

I could be calm and wistful here,

And close my eyes at night


It were a great and gallant pain

To be a sea apart;

But, oh, to have you down the lane

Is bitter to my heart.

Dorothy Parker

So here is the scenario.

You’re out with a guy that you've dated for a while. The length of time isn't really the issue, its variable, but it is the correct length of time for a couple to be starting to get serious. You’re both settling in – you're cooking for him a couple of nights a week then sleeping over at his place. He fixed your car and got it registered for you. He's coming over to your place on the other nights, and you're cooking for him at your house. He’s introduced you to his parents. You know, it’s getting serious.

Then one day, you're out together and a cute guy glances your way, and you look back, admire him briefly, ten go back to your salad and smile sweetly at your partner.

But he looks white. Suddenly he’s in a weird mood. He's sulking and you're not sure why. He's short with you and then he starts to talk about how hot the receptionist is at work. Ire rises, but you’re so in love with him, you recognise this is coming from insecurities and you show great patience. You ask again what's wrong and again he says noting. You eat the rest of your meal in stony silence as he spends most of his time checking out the waitress.

Once you've left the venue, he folds completely and accuses you of looking at the guy. You say you did but what of it, men do it all the time. You fight over it for a few hours. Finally you get past the fighting and he says it must have made him uncomfortable because he loves you so much, and that is very hard to say because he is a man and men just don’t do this naturally and easily, but your astounding beauty and general loveliness has somehow miraculously turned him into a man in love.

You make love and after he says “let's move in together.”

Before you know it you're in the wonderful position of cooking for him every night, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, and earning your own keep contributing 50/50 to the financial upkeep of the house, and he is starting to have conversations about men not being naturally faithful and it being normal for them to want more than one woman.

How did this happen?

Because men enter the serious phase of relationships for the wrong reasons; they will move in with their women out of jealousy, marry out a fear of her leaving him or have a child to show off their virility to the guys in the pub. They don’t keep themselves properly single, “sowing wild oats” and generally living the single life till they REALLY get tired of it and know that they are ready to commit to a woman, have babies with her and grow a long happy life.

In romance novels, every man has already sown his wild oats (if he was ever one of those that needed to at all) and knows himself enough – that is, has done enough mental soul-searching all by himself – to recognise that he is mature enough and ready to commit to the complexities, difficulties and endless rewards of long-term partnership.


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