Sunday, February 14, 2010

Because men spend money they don't have on women who don't care

You’ve heard the complaint over and over again.

“I lost all my money and then the bitch ran off with my boss / best friend / ex girlfriend and now all I have is this massive debt.”

Now, if women have to take responsibility for getting away from men who hit them, then men really have to take responsibility for leaving women who spend all their money and don’t expect to give financially. The only exception to this is when you’ve been in a financially equitable relationship and now one of you is leaving your job to care for a baby, or if there is some other mutual project you have agreed to where one partner is supporting the other.

This does not include the ultra skinny bronzed beach babe that didn't look at you twice till the day you turned up on the beach with that enormous bunch of roses. When she noticed you, you then promptly took her to the hottest night spot in town to show her off, plied her full of 'screaming orgasm' cocktails and went home and screwed her for ten minutes till she passed out on your bed, after which you get to tell your mates it was the best sex of your life (which – let’s face it – it probably was).

Let me tell you a secret about women like that. THEY ARE EXPENSIVE! And not because they are mindlessly ripping you off. They are paying $200 a week (min) on their hair, $55 a week on their tan, $250 a week at the gym and on their personal trainer, $500 a week on their clothes, and $150 a week on the manicure, pedicure and facials. They have invested an enormous amount of time and money into the look that you are blithely showing off to your friends. In their world, you're investment of $500 a week to keep them in the cocktails, restaurants and lines of coke they've become accustomed to is nothing.

 You're getting the good end of the deal here, and they are entitled to come and go as they please. For women who are investing at that level, a mighty return is required.

So if you lose your job as merchant banker on the gold desk, don’t expect her to come running to you to give support, unless you can cry for ten minutes and spend the next thirty telling her what a blessing it is you lost the job, because there's an opening in Dubai working close to the Al Fayeds and you may need to pop over every few months, and you'd love to take her – all expenses paid!

In romance novels, the men are usually very wealthy, and the women are usually so fiercely independent they won't touch the money. In a woman’s fantasy world, she is making her own money and all she wants to know is that he is there with his cash to support her should things go horribly wrong. Because this is a fantasy, and because it represents a woman’s ideal world, he usually has enough money that neither of them has to worry about it.


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