Saturday, March 13, 2010

Because men nag



One of the issues between men and women that is rarely acknowledged is that men nag women, and women’s “famous” nagging is often retaliation for how much nagging they get from their partner.

The reason we don’t recognise male nagging is because like most of the ways that men try to manipulate and control women, it is covert and difficult to recognise. However men do it. They nag women about everything you can think of and women usually find themselves on a constant treadmill of trying to make their man happy because of his many and constant demands.

So how is this magic formula of nagging applied?

In the typical scenario that we like to examine in this blog, man is the primary provider and woman is the primary house manager, even if they both work.  Because men come home into the “work space” of women, and women need their help with certain things, when she asks for it and he rolls his eyes, she is assumed to be nagging.

She however, never enters his workspace as a person who could be doing things. So he is never in a position where the quality of his “work” is dependent on her behaviours. So he rarely needs to overtly ask her to perform a task that may have gotten behind in order to make the quality of his work shine.

So he reserves his judgement over her in little ways. He withholds compliments on her appearance or her cooking just when he can tell she is craving it. The more special a meal she’s provided the less chance there is he will say anything positive about it. If she’s made the bed beautifully he will flop in the middle of it and not give a damn about how messy it looks when he stands up. This kind of disdain and pretend lack of interest in her work and all she has done for everyone in the house is a chronic case of nagging. Wearing her down and making her feel like she never gets anything right.

The worst is when she wants to talk about her day. He’ll say things like “I can’t believe you still have that problem with that woman. Didn’t you just tell her to fuck off like I told you to last week?” when you try to explain that you can’t be that impolitic with your child’s teacher, or your boss he will roll his eyes as if there really isn’t a problem at all, you could stop it if you chose to act differently ad you won’t, so ultimately it’s your fault.

This kind of drip drip drip criticism compounds itself as a perpetual nagging that wears a woman down to the bone ensures she never feels adequate and her work is rarely appreciated. However, because of the nature of the nagging, she will respond with even more effort next time, trying to extract the good spirit from him that she’s been looking for all along.

In romance novels men never nag women. They are full of generosity and happiness with women, realising that people in a relationship just want to be seen, recognised and cared about.

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