Monday, March 15, 2010

Because men think it's a game when a woman says she's leaving

“And I wanted you to know

That I never understood.

That although you said you’d go

Until you did, I never thought you would.”

Don McLean

A wonderful young man I know well came to me once and said that he was worried about his wife. He said she seemed very distracted and she was carrying on about leaving and silly things like that. She seemed unhappy. We talked for a while and then he went home to her when he’d talked his frustration out.

A week later she left him and a week after that he was back in my lounge room, drinking much stronger drink than beer this time, saying over and over again “no warning. Absolutely no warning!”

This happens all the time. Men think when a woman says she is deeply unhappy that it is a game and the appropriate response is to treat it like she’s said something foolish or she is just being dramatic. In fact that is the usual response. Men just think its dramatics when a woman says that she is so unhappy she thinks she may leave. At least they prefer to think its dramatics than to address the possibility she may actually leave.

These days it is easier for a woman to leave. She usually has her own money and she can mobilise friends to help her out. She’s not as sure a bet as she used to be. The response you’re supposed to have is one of desire to do the right thing to keep her happy. If you worked harder at keeping her happy she will stay.

Pretending she is just never going to go is simply denial.

In romance novels the women never threaten to leave and they never go. One simple reason why. Their needs are being met.

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