Saturday, March 13, 2010

Because men want to muscle in on their wife or partners success

“She’ll ask for your advice, which will be most concise

She’ll listen very nicely, and go out and do precisely what she wants.”

Henry Higgins

My Fair lady

One of the best ways to get your monosyllabic husband to start talking to you, is to have a minor success.

Besides a Policeman on point duty or a bouncer at a nightclub, you will rarely see the god complex and misogyny combine and rise to the surface as fast as when a man here’s about something that happened in his woman’s day that impresses him.

Suddenly, he’s an expert in whatever it was that you did well, he’s your coach, your mentor and captain of the ship. But it has to be something that impresses him.

Come home with news of a promotion, a success in a minor sporting event, a pay rise or heaven forbid if you get some sort of media attention, and he’s all over you like a rash with the advice. And it’s not just advice. These gold nuggets are delivered with command and force. He co-opts your success instantly so that it becomes his.  The idea is,  as fast as possible, he wants to be seen as the one who created it all behind the scenes.

Think of women singers and athletes in particular and I bet you can cite at least three examples of women marrying and then he “manages” her career. Can you name one instant in the reverse? Can you imagine a man having a huge success and coming home and taking advice on how to manage it from here on from his wife? I think not. (That day is devoted to the start of a battle between success and home that usually ends in divorce)

It all comes down to power and control. Success in our culture means power. As soon as a woman as some success, the man knows very well the lens that will be placed over the way she views him unless he makes himself indispensible and/ or finds a short cut to being better than her again as fast as he can. How does he know this? He knows because of the way he views her in his life.

In romance novels women never have to worry about men being threatened by their success in any way. Usually their men have so much of their own success that the better their woman does in the most independent way reflects strongly on them. However, occasionally they are not as successful as her and they just relish the fact that a cultured, successful talented woman wants to be with them.

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