Monday, March 08, 2010

Because women don't want anything

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." Freud

Freud, the great psychoanalyst is said to have died asking the same question all his life and never having had it answered. His question is “What do women want?”

Now, without going into the total absurdity of it taking a man beyond a lifetime to work this one out, we must take some time to sympathize with the problem here.

What do women want?

If you follow existentialism at all you know that it is a philosophy that argues that you “are” your project. That is, the very definition of existence IS the project that you have chosen to make your life’s goal and that you have chosen to devote yourself to is who you are. It is your “reason d'etre”. Literally!

Part of the problem for woman is, that if this is what defines you as a human being, you aren’t a full human till you have worked out what you want and spend your life making it happen.

Do you want to write, paint, sing, perfectly balance books, clean swimming pools, make clothes, clean streets, build buildings or send a rocket to the moon? These are all valid pursuits.

However, what can never ever define you as a human being is supporting other humans who have taken the time to work out what they want from life. That is, you need more than being a stay home wife and mother.

Women will fight till the ends of the earth for their right to be a stay home wife and mother. And I will support them – to a degree. I will state, that you can't be an effective wife and mother if you do not have a private passion that you are also making real, because it is too much of a burden to place on your husband and your children that they be responsible for your hopes and dreams as well and their own. An excellent wife and mother does not do this to her husband and children. She makes sure she is a full and complete human being by being responsible for her own needs and this includes knowing who she is when she is alone in the house because everyone has gone out for the day.

In romance novel the women almost never simply stay home and clean for the family anymore. Once up on a time women could find satisfying work in this sort of role but not anymore and nowhere is this change starker than in romance novels. The women are feisty, with well rounded lives, lots of their own ideas and opinions and dreams. And this is why women read them – because secretly they are attracted to this sort of woman and they all want to be like her.


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