Friday, March 12, 2010

Because women put themselves last and then resent it



I’ve dabbled on the edges of this subject before on this blog. The way that women will martyr themselves, cook lavish dinners no one asked for, then get resentful when no one is thrilled with the results, clean the house so that no one can put anything down and then get resentful when the other family members just feel claustrophobic, not grateful.

But this can go even further. This can go to the extreme where they will not care for themselves so much that they feel guilty when they do, or they actually suffer from different types of neglect.

At its core, this is a lack of responsibility that has a woman not look after herself properly. Because no woman cares for the members of her family in a self sacrificial way. No, that is just the outward persona of “caring for everyone else first”. Women actually DO expect their massive self-sacrifice to be noticed, acknowledged and reciprocated and they will get enormously resentful if this does not happen.

So what do they do? They continue the self neglect in the hope that the object of their attentions – husband or children or best friend- will NOTICE and wake up and give them the attention they desire. This is not about nurturing and it is not about self-sacrifice. This is all about manipulating the people around you into treating you the same way, or feeling so guilty they will care for you in some way! If not now, then maybe when you are old.

This is at the core of women’s self sacrifice.

The wife and mother and best friend who is not caring for herself physically and mentally is placing an unnecessary burden on others. Often, all the help she gives is detrimental to the person who receives it. See the way men are searching the globe for a copy of their mother they can marry – that is a woman who looks after him the way his mother did. It’s hard for a man to accept that he will have to clean his own clothes, cook his own food, care for his own children and clean his own house. There may be men who will do one or two of these things, but really, how many men do you know who are living with a woman and still do all of the above? This is because that wonderful self-sacrificing mother taught him how to expect the sae from every woman he meets for the rest of his life.

In romance novels women don’t need to martyr themselves for love or for motherhood or anything else, because they lead such exciting busy lives that they have no time for these kinds of self indulgences.

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