Thursday, March 18, 2010

Because women turn casual sex into something it never was

One of the complicated social scenarios we have created for ourselves (that has nothing to do with our survival – it’s pure social construct) is the way we deal with casual sex.

In our culture, if a man has casual sex, it enhances his reputation. The more women he sleeps with, the more he “looks like a man.”

However, in a crazy anomaly, for women it is the opposite (so one assumes society expects all these men to be having casual sex with each other) so that women are forced to deal with rumours and innuendo as soon as she sleeps with anyone. The ridiculous solution that women have come up with to this problem is to try to force relationship somehow.

Women are exactly the same as men. Sex is all about power and social conquest. However the path to success is far more difficult for women than it is for men. For woman, the ultimate conquest is when you have casual sex with a man; your self-esteem is very dramatically tied to his desire for you after. That is the ultimate conquest for a woman. So, you have the unfortunate end of the stick, where people are impressed by you if the man becomes desperate for more.

Of course, this almost never happens. And the woman is inevitably drawn into trying to attract a man she wasn’t very interested in initially. She is forced to pursue something she doesn’t want simply because of her self-esteem.

Women have to stop this. The only way to win a game that is designed for you to lose is to stop playing it. Women have got to do their own internal work – read Anais Nin, Pauline Reage and Catherine Millet. Work yourself out, and decide how you want to experiment with casual sex. Then and ONLY then, go and indulge in it. Remain in control and when it is over - it is OVER. Walk away. Save all that wonderful deep emotional intensity for the gorgeous nice guy at work who has been putting in the hard yards to ask you out for ages.

In romance novels the rules of casual sex are never the way they are in the real world. People who indulge in it never get to be the stars or the central characters. Men who indulge in casual sex always have their heads turned by the woman of their dreams. THIS is the only place you are allowed to indulge those sorts of fantasies.

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