Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Because women want male approval

Women will complain till the cows come home about how men treat them. Objectify them, belittle them, crush them underfoot etc. However, all of this is only possible, because women so desperately crave their approval.

Any woman who gets a thrill – even a secret one -  when a man stares at her breasts, wolf whistles as she walks down he street, or tells her she is really intelligent, is getting off on male approval – and it is an act of bad faith.

The only men who are allowed to give you compliments, are those in a position to do so, and when the compliment is genuine: A photographer taking your picture, a boss for whom you’ve completed a task well, a lecturer you’ve surprised with your brilliance, a husband you’ve done something very special for. These are genuine compliments that are directed at something you have power over.

Artificial compliments, based on your looks, your body shape, your clothes, and (this has to be my personal favorite) you’re “ability to think like a man” are messages to be rejected as people using flattery to gain something short-term. It actually says more about them than it does about you.

Women really need to understand this.

Seeking male approval provides you with short-term gain and it achieves nothing unless the praise is specific and unless he has enough merit to hand it out with integrity.

In romance novels women are flattered all the time, and it has no effect on their self-esteem or their ability to kick ass in real life. This is one of the reasons women love romance novels so much, but caution must be taken by readers – this is not how it is in real life. But then romance novels are all about the way the world should be, not the way the world is.


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