Thursday, June 10, 2010

Because women need to be told how good they are

Women need to be told over and over and over again how good they are.

How beautiful they are, how smart, how nice, how friendly, how warm, how good they are at mothering, how nicely kept their house is, what a good friend they are, how good they are at their job, how good a wife they are, how good in bed, how good a cook, how hot, how good at their workout, how naturally talented, how intelligent... and well you get the picture.

A woman's need for compliments extends way past the 'normal' desire for a little self-esteem boost. It is almost as if women do not exist, except in the 'eye of the beholder'. If that is true, then how they perceive you is important beyond anything else.

Why do you think women are so nice? We all know it's a sham, and that almost no one in the world is genuinely nice. But women will fake this one till the cows come home. Why? Because they can't take anyone thinking something bad about them.

the really difficult thing is being friends or lovers to women and having to fulfil this endless need. Over and over compliments need to be paid, because as soon as one as hit her mind it turns to dust and tortures her with self-doubt. Did they mean it? Were they just saying that?  Within seconds of receiving a compliment a woman has turned it into nothing but an attempt to curry favour with her. (Mostly because this is the reason she is paying compliments) 

This can be seen as a product of low self-esteem, or of actualisation not existing within autonomy but in an external force directing behaviour. But on the whole women have really got to get over this. Dependence on any other for your self-esteem is doomed to failure. It absolutely will create a situation where the dependant can never win.

In romance novels women get complimented over and over by the lover and they at first doubt it, and then they quickly belive everything he tells them.  if only compliments worked this well in real life.
Barbra Novac books available on Amazon


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