Saturday, June 19, 2010

Because women think sacrifice equals goodness / salvation

One of the most problematical issues in the female pathology is the one where women think sacrifice equals goodness.  This is a way of thinking that will have a woman remain in a relationship regardless of its ability to nurture and feed her.  That extends to relationships where she is being physically or mentally or emotionally abused.

An idea that women must abandon or at least find a new way to express is the idea that her sacrifice means she is a good person. There is always a question around the person who puts themselves last. It tends to be a religious idea that has sunken under the skin - that if your life is hard you will be rewarded - but women must remember these are ideas that get "fed" to the disenfranchised all over the world. Anyone whose basic human rights are taken away, are given some sort of "religion" to cling to in its place.

However, this is meant to be a lighthearted look at relationships and stereotypes.

The really interesting thing about "sacrifice" is it is rarely exactly that. A sacrifice is NOT staying home and leaving your dreams unfed so you can nurture your children's dreams. Sacrifice is NOT cooking his favourite meals and cleaning his house every day so that he brings home his hard-earned pay check and gives it to you. Sacrifice is NOT letting someone walk all over you because you are too afraid to stand up to them.

These so-called sacrifices (that women specialise in) are more about coming up with excuses for giving in to fear. When women refuse to take responsibility for their own needs, it is not called sacrifice, it is simply bowing to a fear that everyone who has to press themselves into a dream experiences. it is always scary when you have to push yourself into unknown territory and it is no sacrifice when you use another person (especially a dependant) as an excuse to not do it.

However, what REALLY is unacceptable is the claim to superiority that women will attempt because they have "sacrificed" themselves for their "loved ones".  its bad enough to use the people around you to not care for yourself and your needs, but to claim you are better than them because of this, is simply gross. And this is what "sacrifice" usually leads to. because it is usually based on an inauthenticity, it needs to keep feeding itself with more and more puffed up self-aggrandizing, so the sacrificer never has to confront their own demons.

And no one does this as well as the women. they are the original and the absolute best Martyrs.

In romance novels women are usually self expressed in some way. Even if they are "sacrificing" some aspect of themselves this is addressed in the novel and eventually overcome.  T me this tells us that deep down women do know that sacrifice rarely benefits anyone, but the sacrificer.


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