Saturday, August 20, 2011

Because older women will fake a hipster profile to get younger men

I know about Cougars. They are the women out there with the leopard skin outfit that is 2 sizes two small and large bouffant yellow-blond hair dirty-dancing to Lady GaGa . Cougars are a much talked about segment of society that is generally maligned for good reason.

However, there is another, not so easily identified subsection of the cougar group – the middle-age hipster woman.

These women are usually on social media sites. You can pick them because they change their profile pic daily, have had enormous boob jobs, and usually wear their startlingly red or deep purple hair in beehive ponytails and plaits. Their images have always been photoshopped. They will not be mentioning husbands and children, even though they have both, and their friends lists will comprise mostly of younger men between twenty-five and thirty-five. 

Without exception, their profile pic folder will include several “gig” shots of them in jeans, wearing tank tops that show off their embarrassingly pert breasts and their Buddhist Pali Prayer tattoo that blesses their enemies and prays for the wild locked in cages.

But the best way to pick these women out of the crowd is that they are desperately trying to appear musically hip.

Hipster Cougars are all listening to the latest in Indie music, and the more obscure, the better. They will go to great lengths to gather as much of this music as they can while having to listen to as little of it as possible. 

They will fake an interest in whatever the latest band to grace the cover of Pitchfork, wear Wild Beasts and Kills T-shirts and take many pictures of them for their social media site holding the latest CD purchased at the coolest local CD store.

What should be known is that when they clean their houses on the weekend, they have Abba, Duran Duran or Rocky Horror Picture show soundtrack playing.

Women who love romance novels are not into denial. They are aware that they are escaping. They don’t trick themselves with their own bullshit. They don’t think that just because they can flirt with a twenty-five year old on-line, that they can really run off with him and their two children under eight.

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