Thursday, September 15, 2011

Because men are not honest about what they want

Every person wants to be needed by and special to their significant other. Entering into a relationship with a person is a tricky deal, because you have agreed to fulfil this impossible role. 

Thus begins the unshakable sense of being alone and disconnected in relationship.

This problem will continue through life, the balance between the others autonomy and your need to possess them. Women will grapple with this on the surface.

However, men will not. They will pretend they relationship is “for” her, as if they are getting little out of it. They have so many other fulfilling aspects of their life, they can easily make their partner feel as though the relationship is a gift to her. Sometimes, in extreme cases, they believe this.

Men want relationship. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t have it. Men will pretend what they want is ten women or no women, but when it comes down to it, they are the ones who ultimately get to choose. 

If men don’t need or want to be a relationship, why is almost every man in the entire world, and every man in the planets history, in relationships? Are they all so generous and benevolent that they have given this to some woman even though what they really want is a harem of ten?


The answer to this is simply that they are not very honest about what they want. It seems manlier to say that you don’t want a relationship. Men feel that it is capitulating to own up that they want their one special person who properly understands them.

In romance novels the men are always honest about this because they are written by women and women think this is the sexsiest, most attractive thing in the world. 


  1. It is the sexiest, most attractive thing in the world. *sigh* If only men could understand that women love men that can dance, are honest, and good to kids and their grandmothers...OH the possibilities!

  2. I would say that this phenomenon has more to do with the hormonal reactions that take place in the male body with respect to different lifestages. When men are older and find a partner who they love, they tend to be more willing and indeed desire to settle into a committed role like this. I must admit that at 21 I feel no such compullsions, and the very idea of having my heart tied to a single individual for the rest of my life to be rather limiting. However when I look down the road and create some hypotheticals to gain some perspective on what I will likely want later in life, and compare coming lifestage transitions with previous analagous lifestage transitions (I.e. after puberty, people begin to desire things of a sexual nature. Before puberty, no such desires exist and similary mature adults sometimes desire parenthood and children and/or monogamy. Adolescents and young adults have those desires much less frequently ESPECIALLY members of my sex. There are causative hormonal explanations for this) I come to the conclusion that, in all likelihood, I will someday desire to settle into a committed relationship...probably. I do not feel that compullsion now and might not ever necessarily.

  3. The thing is that love is complicated and takes commitment from both parts for it to work. Women are very complex, and sometimes when you TRULLY want her, you may go VERY HARD and scare her away. That is hard for men to accept. Men are more used to going to the point. All in all, speaking for myself and from what i perceive in my friends lives, is that the mental games that women tend to play to see if they approve their men are very tiring, for the fact men too have weaknesses, and women are usually not up to dealing with them. This way you tend to put on a mask and play tough/hard to get, which makes you think of women more as objects of conquest instead of loving beings that will love you back if you honestly care for them.